Have you ever put your happiness on a total stranger...? Well...I am.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now, but it was mostly an "it would be cool if..." situation, but it has recently become a "this needs to happen..." situation. Only reason I'm writing this out is to vent and just get all my ideas on paper, so to speak. The reason I'm doing so on Hupit is because I sincerely doubt anyone will read this, but part of me hopes someone does and is willing to talk me through it...

I've been thinking of this scenario for awhile now because I always thought it would be cool to finally meet this person and get to know each other. She has always interested me for reasons I don't understand, I mean I don't believe at love at first sight, I barely know anything about her, and I've never felt this way about anyone. The way I feel isn't even really a "hey I like here" kind of feeling it's a "hey I NEED to get to know you". For whatever reason I just want to talk to this girl, nothing else. I'm currently in a "relationship", if you can call it that, so it's not that I feel like I need to have a girlfriend(as pathetic as that sounds) and I don't fantasize about being with her. This is what irritates me really, I mean I've never had a girl stuck in my mind like this for reasons other than lust, to be blunt. It just makes no sense...

The reason I've been putting more and more weight on this situation is because I have recently put so much pressure on myself by looking at Pharmacy schools. They all have requirements just to apply and dipshit me decided to jerk off last year and REALLY put myself in a hole that is going to be difficult to get out of. I mean I can't apply to half since I have two C-'s and a D in the "core" courses, and I need to keep a 3.57 GPA throughout the rest of my collegiate career to get looked at by the rest. I know a 3.57 might not look incredibly hard, but considering I can't keep focus for more than 10 minutes at a time and I have Quant Analysis, Physics 1&2, Instrumental Analysis 1&2, BioChem, Physical Chem 1&2, and a few more courses ahead of me...it is a very daunting task.

Which brings me back to this girl. As I've mentioned, I just want to talk to her and I think the reason behind that is that I love her intellect, I love the way she thinks. I don't feeling like writing out the story again, so through a series of events I ended reading a lot of her papers for a philosophy class that I ended up taking this semester. Before I knew it was her I found myself agreeing with everything she said, I found myself actually enjoying what I was reading which is amazing in itself. After realizing that this was her I did something I'm not too proud of, since it seems a little stalker-ish to me, I searched the username she used for that philosophy class. I found more of her work for her previous college. Again I found myself agreeing with everything she wrote, regardless the subject. Granted, I actually knew she wrote the material this time around, but still I enjoyed the read. So, I think that if I get to see her again, get the chance to know her...I'l be able to just talk to her and have an intelligent face-to-face conversation for the first time in ages. That is what I really need right now, just to relieve this stress.

If your asking why I don't talk to friends or family about it, well I guess it's because I'm ashamed. My friends at college are great and they are book smart, but they aren't "intelligent" by my definition. I mean if you want to talk to them about a question you have on a certain topic covered in class they will be able to help with whatever you need, but if you ask them for a serious question they will just nod their head yes and ask you questions you have already answered about fifty times, I don't need that. The reason I don't talk to friends outside of college or family is because...well..I technically failed out of the program... My cum GPA is a 2.88, but my core is a 1.92. To stay in the program you need a core GPA of 2.0, like I mentioned earlier I jerked off freshmen year. I have two C+'s coming my way for two core courses this semester so I will be back in the program, but just the fact that I failed at one point is so embarrassing to me. I know that if I tell me old friends or family, the two groups that have the most respect and faith in me and care for me the most, I will get the "We are so disappointed in you" speech, that is something I need...but really don't want to hear... Going back to this girl, she has been in the program so will know exactly were I'm coming from, I know(or rather have a very strong feeling) that she will be able to have that intelligent conversation with me and be able to give me the "I'm disappointed in you" speech, but not with the same words(how could she disappointed if she barely knows me), that is the sort of speech I need to hear and want to hear...

One side note, she isn't a COMPLETE stranger, we have talked. By talked I mean about thirty minutes once after a final. That's another thing, I am a very introverted person, I have a very tough time talking to new people. With her, however, I was absolutely fine. I was confident, I was comfortable, and I was able to have that conversation with her absolutely fine. I think that is the biggest reason why I want to get to talk to her. I mean I appreciate the way she thinks, how she puts her thoughts into words, and I am comfortable around her. She might not be the person I need to hear from, but she sure is hell the one I want to hear from. Now it all goes back to this one thing that needs to happen.

The situation I'm talking about is meeting this girl this summer...by complete chance...We never had a class together, we don't hang out with the same people(not even sure if we have any mutual friends), we're not even in the same year. There is almost nothing that connects us and will allow me to see her. The only hope is Orgo 2 this summer and physics 1 next fall. I don't know what her schedule has been like, even though I could probably find out, so I don't know if she has taken these classes. I she has...well then I have no shot. If she hasn't...well then there is hope and it all comes down to scheduling.

I've always been a person who thought that my future was in my own hands, that my happiness was what I made it out to be. But here I am begging that I see this total stranger and get the chance to meet her...It's is honestly the weirdest feeling I have ever had.

Well, if you managed to read this all, I thank you. If you feel like you can offer some sort of help you know where the PM button is, haha. Anyway thanks to those people(if any) who read this. If you offer to help out and talk thank you.

Anyway, happy gaming
Sincerely,
~David S.

You ever just sit down and think about life? You know, where you've been, where you are, and where you're going. That kind of stuff. Well, I do that all the time, so much so, that I plan out when I'm going to do it, don't judge. Once my finals are over I'm going to sit down and write a long reflection on how this past semester has been for me. If you're a regular on the site and you happen to read this, keep an eye out for me in the Reflect on Your Life Thread. If you're new go post something there. You'll find that there are some people here more than willing to help with any problem you may have.

Even though we are all strangers and most of us have never met one another, it is somehow relaxing to just vent. I highly recommend it.

~David

I've been sitting here for the past hour or so just looking at my computer trying to get some work done for some classes tomorrow. But, since I'm me, I've been procrastinating and putting off by looking up youtube videos, checking e-mails, and now writing a blog entree on Hupit. As I've been doing these things I've realized how much easier life was as a kid. I don't even mean young like 4-8 I mean somewhere in between 10 and 13.

Those days were so easy. School was easy, sports were a lot more fun than work when compared to today, and I just had so much free time for friends, family, games, or whatever. To be a kid again would be great. Don't get me wrong, I love being where I'm at in my life right now, but there are times like today where I just wish I could go back for awhile.

So, if by some chance a younger person comes along and reads this, don't be in a rush to grow up. It's not as great as you think it is. Well, it's not a great as I thought it would be, haha.

~David

When people ask me why I do what I do(especially when it comes to baseball because I put in a ridiculous amount of work in for a team that isn't very good) my answer is always "Because I can". This may seem like an arrogant statement, but it's not, it's more of a fact. This answer has come from two different places. First, being the fact that I am a NCAA athlete. There are only about 450,000 of us in the world, so I'm in a very select group. Plus, I'm doing what I love, so why wouldn't I want to give myself every opportunity to get better?

Second, is a story that I actually heard from Reddit. I know it sounds a little off, but I thought it was powerful. I'm not really in the mood to search for it, so sorry if I butcher it. Anyway, a guy is in the hospital's emergency room(broken bone or something) and they wheel in a kid next to him. This kid is clearly about to die due to cancer, or something along those lines, and with him is either his family or the make a wish foundation group. They tell him that they are going to Disneyland tomorrow and he can be whatever he wants. The kid replies, "I want to be a Goony, because Goonies never die." So, now the guy lives his life to the fullest "because he can".

~David

Hey all, in light of the "Hupit Drama" and that mess of a thread I brought up how blogs are never really used here. I've never actually seen another person's blog here(I still have no idea where this will be seen, haha). Well I just got back and I'm a man(apparently) of my word, even though I never said I would do one I just brought it up. Anyway here it goes.

I honestly have no idea what a blog is used for, so bare with me. I mean I guess they are used for whatever, so that is exactly what I'll use mine for. For example, this one will be my introduction. Some, well most, will be on school, gaming, baseball, therapy, personal life(mostly rants), etc.

Anyway, like I said this is the intro, this is the post that I explain why you should continue reading this post and why you should read following blog posts. For this "intro" I'm going to give you all(as if I'm not the only one reading this) a look into the inner workings of David (enter last name here) and what makes me, me. I like to break up my life up into several aspects, those being: school, gaming, baseball, relationships, emotional. For this post I'm going to focus on relationships and school since I feel those two are the best things for you to begin to understand a David S.

For the relationship aspect I don't only mean my relationship with past girlfriends, I mean in general. I'm a quiet kid and I get more vocal as I get to know people. I love this about me and other people who are like this because you can see how much your relationship has progressed with that person based on how vocal they are around you, how comfortable they are around you. Granted initial interactions with people like this is generally awkward, but the end result, if you work with it, is always worth it, trust me.

Loyalty and honesty are huge for me when it comes to my friends and loved ones. These are two values that my current baseball coach really reinforces with all of his players. He has been more of a life coach than anything for me. I mean he teaches his players how to live life and I am truly thankful for that. At first, I was skeptical because he has a thing for the dramatics and every time he talked about loyalty and all of that, his stories seemed so far fetched. But then I started to think about how many of his former ball players(just about all of them)would do literally anything for this man and then it all started to sink in. So, everything I have learned from this man is reflected in some way and I am a better person for it.

A PERFECT example would be these past few days. As I write this Hurricane Sandy just tore through the Northeast. I am from New York and although we didn't get any flooding(well in my area) we got a lot of winds which knocked down A LOT of trees. Anyway a few days before the hurricane a friend of mine told me that a house had burned down by him and that he heard it was a house that another friend of mine lived in. Obviously, I wanted to get in touch with this friend(let's call him S), but the only person I knew that could get in contact with him(long story) was my ex girlfriend(let's call her J). We split on okay terms and were friends for awhile, but we just stopped talking I guess, so for me to text her was a little random. Anyway, I text'd J and explained the situation and asked her to text S to see if he was okay, but refused because she was "too busy in class". Anyway some words were said and we stopped that conversation mad at each other. Then, I remembered something my coach had taught us "Never end on a bad note, you never know what could happen and you never want you last words to be cruel." So, I text'd her back and we both apologized, and turns out S was fine. Fast forward to tonight I was hanging out with some friends, who knew my ex, and they told me that a tree fell on my J's house and crashed right into her room. My ex is away at college, but imagine if she wasn't...I could never imagine my last words to her being...well, not good. So, it's things like that they make me appreciate what my coach teaches me.

For the school aspect, well it's not really going to be about school more of how my mind works. I am very unorthodox. Meaning my brain works in different ways than the norm, hard to describe. When most people hear this they automatically assume I'm some sort of genius or some sort of idiot, and after hanging out with me they assume it's the latter. To be honest I sell myself as stupid, but if I manage to concentrate for more than five second I am fairly smart(not a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but smarter than the average person, not sure how much that means to be honest, haha). Anyway, my brain can't tell the importance of situations, I REALLY don't know how to word that. But what I'm trying to say is that I COULD have two finals tomorrow each worth 50% of my final grade in the corresponding classes and I will want to study, but I will have no concentration. On the other hand I COULD have a simple paper that's due in two weeks and I'll be locked in my room trying to write the perfect essay the day it is assigned. Only reason I'm emphasizing the "could"s is because I honestly can't control it. If my brain thinks it is worth my concentration then I'll focus, if not I'll try, but usually doesn't go my way.

Honestly, the only things that always get my attention are lab work(good thing I'm a Forensic Science Major, haha), baseball, and gaming. I know that sounds horrible, but they take my mind off things. In turn it allows to concentrate as much as I want. But, these are two topics for another entree.

So, I guess that's it for now, this has been a good thirty minutes or so, haha. Maybe this whole blog thing isn't so bad. Anyway, if you read this great I appreciate it(let me know and I'll see if I can do something for you, haha).

Take care.

~David